A Night Away

In America we often had offers for people to watch our kids. Many times we were able to get away for a date or a night away to reconnect as a married couple.  Having children keeps you busy and makes marriage more challenging. Living in a different culture adds to that challenge, living in a third world culture adds to it even more.  This week in Catel, we have visitors, two of which include Andrew's parents. Andrew and his parents asked if they could watch our kids so we could go away for a night.  This would be our first get away in the five months we have lived here.  We were so excited to be able to just be with each other for a day, a night and some of the next day.  We left our house at 8:30 a.m., but by the time we got to Ziguinchor is was 12:15 p.m.  We waited quite some time in Catel for a car, then we waited another chunk of time in Sao Domingo.  By the time we left Sao Domingo, it was after 10:30.  We were going to Beryl’s house first then Beryl was taking us into Ziguinchor.  Beryl’s house is so adorable and he has done some nice landscaping with it too.  It looks like a great retirement home.  Once we got to Ziguinchor, we stopped at the stores, got a little supplies, and then started looking for a hotel.  We wanted to stay somewhere nicer than usual. We first stopped at Hotel Aubert and got to see a room there.  It was nice, it had air conditioning, running water and hot water, a double bed (our usual stay with the kids does not have a double bed, only twins) and wireless in the room.  We then went to a hotel that is next to our usual stay with the kids. This hotel was nice.  They had a standard room, which was not as nice as Hotel Aubert, and a luxury room.  The luxury room was nice and the view was amazing. It was on the river, it had a beautiful pool (hotel Aubert had a pool as well), the room was spacious with a big bed. However, the difference was that room was 50,000 CFA and the Hotel Aubert was 38,000 CFA.  That’s a huge difference for less than 24 hours of staying there.  We decided to go with the Hotel Aubert and pray we get a weekend away where we can stay at the nicer one and get to enjoy it.  So after we checked into our hotel room, we decided to go walking to find the market we have heard so much about.  We knew the general area it was so we started walking.  It was much easier to walk without our backpacks and five children in tow.  After walking and seeing many little stores, we found the big market. There were women sitting outside the entrance with veggies and when we walked into the market it was busy with people and stores galore.  I believe we could find just about anything there.  We weren’t there a few minutes before we noticed that we were being followed.  We are white, so of course in their minds we have money and they can get something from us.  We walked quickly, barely looking at anything as we tried to get him to stop following us.  We made it around in a big circle when we passed some other white people and the man decided they would be better to follow.  Then we were able to look around and absorb everything.  There were shops with jewelry and hair ties, with fabric, clothes, hardware, traditional African decor, shoes, baby toys, literally anything you can think of.  It was a total cultural experience. We are thankful we found this market without kids (at least for our first trip it was nice to not have the distraction of keeping hold of the kids) and after we have been here for almost five months we were better able to get around.  We were able to bargain and get use our Creole.  We even bought Michael a pair of much needed jeans and me a necklace.  We both didn’t really want the necklace, but the store keeper really wanted to make the sell, so we got it for an incredibly low price.  We left the market and came back to the hotel to relax for a little bit before going out for dinner.  

Once we were back at the hotel, we both wanted to wash our feet, as they get filthy walking around.  This hotel has hot running water.  We haven’t had hot running water for five months, with the exception of me going to the retreat in November.  We turned on the water, and proceeded to lather our feet up, but then quickly realized we forgot how hot water gets and started scalding our feet.  We frantically adjusted the water all while scalding ourselves with water going everywhere and soaking our clothes before we adjusted the water to what was comfortable.  We thought it was a wonderful temperature and proceeded to clean our feet.  When we turned off the water, we turned off the cold first to see that we only had the hot water trickling out.  Maybe we are more accustomed to bucket showers than we thought.  

About 7:30 we decided to go out to a restaurant for supper.  We walked a few blocks down to our usual La Kassa restaurant.  It was beautiful there with lights everywhere and music.  We felt like we were on a date.  We shared a small pizza and french fries and then came back to the hotel.  Ziguinchor comes alive at night and is quite safe to walk around.  There were guards on every street and in front of every hotel, including ours.  Once we got back we watched a few episodes of a favorite tv show that we brought along and I quickly fell asleep.  Michael couldn’t sleep so he skyped his parents and somehow I woke up around 1:00 a.m.  We decided we were going to live up this night without kids and watched another episode and didn’t sleep again until 3:00 a.m.  We wanted to enjoy our time without kids as much as possible as it may not happen again for a long time.  We slept in and took our time getting ready for the day.  Now it is 30 minutes before check out time and our time of going back to reality.  It has been a blessing to enjoy being a couple and a night away from village life, but we are looking forward to being back with our kids and friends in Catel.  

If you are married, don't forget to date.  Remember marriage is being with your best friend, not just parenting.  Enjoy each other and if you wake up in the middle of the night and have no kids, don't feel pressure to sleep right away if you can't, enjoy being together no matter what time of the day it is.  When your children are raised and off on their own, you will still have each other.  Love is more than just physical, it is being friends too.  Thank you to Andrew and his parents for being brave enough to watch our children and bless us.  

A Different Christmas

Many have asked us 'what does Christmas look like in Guinea Bissau'.  We have also heard 'it must be very different for you this year'. We want to attempt to answer these questions. First, yes it looks different, it is warm, no snow, no lights, no trees, no craziness of the commercial season. It does not feel like Christmas because every day is pretty much the same each day, in fact most days we do not even know the date. Christmas here is very low key, people cook a huge meal and then share with their friends. You can go from house to house eating food and hanging with friends. It is all about giving here, not what you get. People do get a new outfit for the festa (party), but that is not everyone. This is about the only time of the year they may get new clothes. They get all fancied up for Christmas too. Girls will get their hair specially braided and have extensions braided in as well, mainly little girls. This is a trend that has started because of how they perceive the West. They only know what they see in movies, so they believe this is the way all Americans are.  In the church we have a Christmas Eve service and we will go caroling in the village.

That is a glimpse of what Christmas looks like now for us. Yes, it looks different, we are in shorts, we have no tree or decorations, we have had no begging from the kids on what they want, but it has been relaxing. The only thing we brought was our Christmas stockings. We plan to have a few things for the kids in the stockings, read the Christmas story together, and sing a few songs. The rest of the day we will hang out with friends, eating yummy food, and serve yummy food at our house. We are excited for Christmas this year. It is simple, low key, relaxed, and the main focus is serving others. In this pagan culture the message sent is to take care of others. That is exactly what Christ ultimately came to do, be a servant. It amazes me how much God speaks through creation, traditions, and cultures even when they worship false gods. You can still see God working and it gives perfect examples pointing back to His word and showing them the truth.

This is Christmas, and we are looking very forward to it and for the next few beyond. Yes, we miss family, friends, snow, the fireplace or stove, hot cocoa, and cookies. Instead, we are starting new traditions in our time here and focusing on the real reason for the season and that we always have family as long as we are together.

What are you missing

Karen normally writes these and honestly does a better job, but I want to take a minute and share a reflection. Men or whoever is the bread winner this is for you. 

In my 3 months here I have realized what a workaholic I had become and was satisfied in my work. First this was sinful because I was not be satisfied in God and who he made me to be, second I was neglecting my marriage and spending quality time with my wife, and third I was missing so much with my kids. I have missed a lot of firsts in there life or been late because of work.

We need to work and be responsible and of course pay our bills. I am learning we can live with a lot less I mean a lot less and still be happy. Living with less means buying less which means spending less and all this adds up to less overtime or second jobs and time with our families.

I cherish helping teach my kids, walking Isaiah to school, going to the store with a kid to get bread, or taking them on a bike to get water. I am around more and a part of there life yet still working and doing the things I need to help these leaders and church grow and wean off EMM and the missionaries.

Obviously this will look different for everyone, but my children now have very little toys and yet there happy. I believe looking back at this 20 years down the road my kids will be thankful I was there and not to concerned that they did not have a iPhone or wii or something like that.

I also realized consumerism and convenience have become gods for Americans and we did even see it hit us, it snuck in on our back side and before we knew it we were caught up in it. The sad thing is that evil parts of our society are coming this way and a culture that was once grounded on family and proud of that is becoming one who needs more, needs the newest, and what you have determine who you are. 

I had forgotten I was a child of God and needed nothing, I was keeping up with the American Dream and did not even realize it. 

Maybe this is not you or your story, but I challenge you bread winners. Where are your priorities, what do you make sure happens first there your heart is, what have you missed in your kids life to make them happy, and are they happy?

Some things to think about. i have no regrets because God is always teaching and if I had not strayed I would not have learned, but I am thankful for what I am learning and the time i now have with my wife and kids. 

I realize we can live much cheaper here, but in American we can live simpler also. 

So let some things go, say no, and spend time with your family, wife , and kids. I do not believe it is a decision you will ever regret. 

Just wanted to share some things I am learning, I hope you are blessed and challenged. I know I was and it has been hard to say no and not work all the time, but I am a work in progress growing everyday, I hope to be a imitator of Christ.

In this together,

Mike

Want some rice?

We have some very creative children.  They have brought their creativity with them to Guinea Bissau and are now teaching the local children to use their creativity.  Our children absolutely loved to play house in America. When we first moved to Pennsylvania, five years ago, Jada was six years old, Lydia was five, Josiah was 3, Micah was almost 2 and little Zaney was just a newborn.  God blessed me with a mother's helper that came over once a week and played with the kids so I could do whatever I needed to without interruptions of the children.  This was a huge blessing to me at that stage of my life, and this amazing young lady taught my children to play house.  This was almost five years ago, and they still absolutely love to play house.  In fact, they love to play house so much, that they were frustrated that none of the kids here knew how to play house with them.  Well, after about 8 weeks of being here, our little missionaries got the children to play house with them.  The best way to explain this to you is through pictures.  

First, the kids went to the blanya (rice field) to cut the aros (rice). They were actually sitting in our path to our house.  The green things that they are pretending is rice are leaves from the tree that is giving them shade in the picture.  Jada and some of her friends climbed the tree and dropped the leaves down to the kids.  The kids then pulled the leaflets off and it became rice. That is what the girls in the blanya are doing.  

After the rice has been cut, they bring it home and start pounding it.  Pounding can be heard all throughout the village from morning till night these days. There are usually two or three women that pound rice in a rhythmic motion, sometimes there is even a fourth woman.  These girls had the rhythm and it sounded very real to the actual pounding sound.   

While they are pounding, they also pour it into a flat basket type bowl and shake it in a way to make all the shells come out so that only rice is left.  They then lay out the shells to dry. This is used as chicken food (I think).   This is Luciano (Josiah's closest friend here, he is also 8 years old), he has taken his shirt off so that the 'rice shells' could dry in the sun.  

Now they are pounding it more to break the remaining shells off the rice.  They often take breaks, so Lydia and Ramatoulli are now pounding so the other girls could rest.  Pounding is quite tiring and if your hands aren't calloused, you get blisters on your hands. It is really interesting to watch the women pound rice.  Sometimes (I believe to show off, or just have fun), when the stick is high in the air, they toss it up and clap and grab it again and pound down. 

Now the girls are starting their fire to start cooking their rice.  This is actually how the women here cook.  They have three large rocks that the pot will sit on, and they form the sticks in the middle of the rocks.  The sticks are their firewood and they push them in as the ends burn.  

Here is a better picture of the sticks.  This is actually what their moms do to start the fire.  

They are now cooking the rice (in the same pot they pounded in...that's not what the women do but the kids were being resourceful). 

Luciano is preparing the seasoning for the rice.  The women will pound garlic, onions, seasonings and many other things together for the seasoning they cook the rice in.  Micah was also adding 'salt' (sand) to the rice for seasoning.  

Isaiah is overseeing the cooking process, waiting anxiously to be a taste tester.  Micah's hand is seen here adding the 'salt' to the bianda (rice dish).  I got to 'taste' it and it was quite delicious.  

I was so blessed to see the kids playing this in our yard.  The kids were so happy throughout their playing.  Kids are not typically allowed to play like kids do.  They have learned and are continuing to learn that our compound is a safe place to play.  When I jumped in and was 'tasting' their food, they were so happy and it only encouraged them to play even more.  This was one of my favorite play activities to watch the kids do.  It blessed me just as much as it blessed our children.  

I would like to thank every person (kid, teenager, young adult and adult) that has come to our house and played house with our kids. You taught our kids to use their imaginations and today they are teaching other kids, that are constantly told to stop and be quiet, to use their imaginations.  Our children are able to be a blessing because of so many that have blessed us.  Thank you! 

Kids will be Kids

Kids are kids no matter where you live.  If one of our kids gets a cracker, the other four will come and ask for one.  If one kid gets a sucker, the other four want one, one gets to go somewhere, the other four will ask.  Today, we gave each of the Mane kids that were at our house a boneku (stuffed animal).  They all ran home filled with happiness to show off their bonekus.  Soon, a few returned with a child that didn’t get one.  They went home and then more returned with another child that didn’t get one.  They wanted to make sure that everyone got a boneku.  The same thing happens when they play at our house and one child asks for a drink.  The next thing we know, all of the children are at our door asking for a drink of water.  “N misti bibi yagu.” was one of the first phrases we learned here.  It means “I want a drink of water.”.  

As we have watched family life here, we have discovered that family life is similar no matter where you live.  There are differences such as money, things you own, where you live, and what your house looks like, but people are people no matter where you are.  Children in America want the latest and greatest toy, here, children want the latest and greatest piece of trash to play with.  The children look out for each other, they defend the small ones, the little girls want to be moms and boys want to be just like their fathers just as children do in America.  

So in the end we have learned kids are kids no matter where you live.

A Trip to the Well

Everyday in Catel brings something new.  Daily things are the same, such as drawing water, sweeping our yard (yes, I said sweeping our yard), cooking, sweeping the house, caring for our children as well as many of the village children, schooling our kids, and some of the village kids, our journey to the deep well for drinking water...I could go on, but lets talk more about the deep well.  Michael usually goes to the deep well on the bike with one child and a bucket strapped to the back of the seat.  Women usually go to the well to get their water and it is usually in the morning and in the evening. When Michael first started going, the women were upset that I (Karen) wasn’t going and Michael was.  They eventually accepted him getting the water, understanding that I was busy at home with the children. They now tell him he is a good man. The well is also usually quite busy in the morning and the evening and there is usually a long wait for your turn to pump water.  When Michael goes, he never knows what he will encounter.  On a recent trip, he came upon an argument. They were fighting who would go first to pump their water. The argument escalated into a fist fight which escalated into the women ripping each others clothes off and all out wrestling.   Michael tried to break up the fight along with all the other women at the well.  Their eyes were filled with rage, and no one was successful in breaking them up.  Michael decided to start pumping their water.  He figured this way, when they were done fighting, they would have water, which was what the fight was all about. He pumped six huge buckets of water before he filled his own and came home.  All the while, the fight carried on.   

One day, Michael was wearing his “I love my wife” shirt.  He went to the well to get our drinking water and there was a woman that could read english there.  She read his shirt, and asked Michael why he loved his wife.  He explained to her that he loves his wife because Christ first loved us. He continued the conversation by explaining that he truly loves and cares for me.  Here, there isn’t much love.  Wives are a necessity because they do all the work around the compound (house) and in the field, they produce children which equals money and status. Having a wife here is like owning property.  There is not a lot of love or trust, in fact, most men have multiple wives. The woman Michael was talking to could not believe that he actually loved me.  

On another trip, there was a dudu minjer (crazy lady) at the well.  Michael missed the most exciting time of her being there, but it was still exciting for him and Jada (who had joined Michael for the trip). The lady came up and was talking in all kinds of different languages, trying to take children, Jada included, and telling people they couldn’t get water.  Michael and Jada were already finished getting their water when she came, so they left.  Earlier though, this lady was guarding the well and not allowing anyone to get water.  One man came to get water (the women were all afraid of her, so they weren’t going to the well) and when he pumped his big bucket full, she told him he had to drink the entire thing right there. She also was naked until someone in the village gave her clothes to put on.  The story we were told later was that her and her husband made a deal with a demon to get rich, and they missed a payment, so she went crazy, or we believe is now demon possessed.  This is a common practice here, to make deals with demons.  They know this is a way to get rich, to curse people, have health, have a better life or to get anything they may want. 

The Konkoran Visits

Thursday, October 10

Today was a day filled with cultural experiences.  Let me start from the beginning.  It is 6:30 a.m. and the kids are waking up.  Adrienne is already in the kitchen making our morning coffee.  Micah ventures outside and other kids follow suit.  We hear a ‘yiyiyi’ yelp and clanging, Adrienne quickly tells the kids to get inside.  The konkoran has arrived.  The konkoran is a man dressed in a red suit that covers him from head to toe.  He sorta looks like Snuffy from Sesame Street, but the size of a man.  He comes out during celebrations and roams the village clanging together two machetes and yelping ‘yiyiyi’. People in the village (unbelievers) believe he is demon possessed.  In fact, if they believe someone is out to get your child, they can call on the Konkoran to come and scare the person that is out to get your child. This time in the morning, the Konkoran only passed by our house and went on to other houses in the village.  We have a gate, so he doesn’t enter our compound.  Our children were upset, but they quickly got into the groove of breakfast and school for the morning.  Around noon Michael went over to the clinic to see Gibby.  There Michael found out that Gibby and his family (the Mane’s) were having a festa today and we were all invited.  Our kids have become quite close with the Mane’s.  Everyday they play together and the Mane kids usually hang outside our door as we do school anxiously waiting for them to get done. Michael and I have also become friends with the Mane’s, so we were all excited to go and be a part of their festa, or party. We arrived there shortly after noon and Michael joined the men under a tree sitting, talking, drinking juice and eating cucumber salad.  I (Karen) joined the women in the kitchen (see a previous blog to read about a description of their kitchens).  The women were all laughing and chatting about the Konkoran.  They instantly wanted to know if I saw the Konkoran and if I had an experience with him.  I hadn’t so they proceeded to imitate him and laugh about as they jumped around and danced.  One of the women took a rice sack, shoved it in her wrap skirt and started whooping and dancing about making large gestures with her hands laughing hysterically, making us laugh with her.  Later, another woman grabbed two cups and started clanging them together and running at another lady.  They kept looking for the Konkoran, saying he was coming, and telling me that we would all need to run in the house when he comes.  That is what women and children do when the Konkoran comes around.  They run inside, shut the doors and be as silent as possible, all while the Konkoran scrapes his machetes against the door. Eventually the Konkoran will leave and the women and children will come back out.  The men don’t react too much to the Konkoran, well as far as we have seen.  The way we understand the Konkoran is that older men know who he is and are not afraid of him.  We were at the festa all afternoon and the Konkoran did not come visit us.  We all continued to visit, men under a tree, children running about and playing, and the women going between a shady area and the kitchen.  Aminata was cooking the rice dish for the party.  She was cooking in the biggest pot I have ever seen.  When she was done, they dished out the rice dish into 21 large bowls.  The men were served first, and they all had spoons to eat with, then the children were served, Micah had the only spoon, then the women were served, we ate with our right hands.  The food was delicious, it was rice with fish and onions. Sounds simple, but it was so good.  I left with Micah shortly after we ate because she wasn’t feeling well.  After I left, Michael and the other kids had quite the experience.  Someone saw a man all in red and the women and children started yelling and running for the houses.  Our kids were pulled and dragged inside and they were all crouching in the corner of a room.  Michael got up with the other men to go and look and what they saw made them laugh.  A man was up the path visiting at another house and he was wearing a red shirt and red shorts.  The women and children came out and everyone started going home, including Michael and the kids. Our children were a little worked up over this false alarm, but we did our best to calm them down and carry on with making dinner.  In the meantime, Micah got sick to her stomach, Lydia found out yet another friend was leaving Catel for school so she was pretty upset and wanting me to go to her house to take a picture, supper was burning and the other kids were clinging to our side worried the Konkoran was coming.  We were working at supper when Lydia comes running into the house urgently pleading with me to get my camera and go with her to our neighbors to take a picture of her and Fatima.  Lydia quickly explains that Fatima is leaving at 7:00 p.m., I look at the clock and it is 6:58.  I turn the stove off, grab my camera and run with Lydia to take the picture.  I was thinking this would be a two minute side track...what I forgot was nothing takes two minutes in Guinea Bissau.  I easily took the picture of Fatima and Lydia, snapped a few cute pictures of some children and turned to leave, however, I couldn’t leave.  The Konkoran was coming! I knew I would be stuck at their compound until the Konkoran passed by.  The Konkoran can stay for a few seconds or a few hours, it all depends on how long he wants to stay and scare people.  The women and children ran inside grabbing Lydia and Josiah, who had come with me, and all the children (excluding Lydia and Josiah) were screaming and crying.  I stayed out on the veranda watching the Konkoran.  He stood at the gate and clanked his machetes, but did not come in.  I had my camera hanging around my neck, so I snapped a few pictures without him knowing. He only stayed for a few minutes and then went on his way up the path, already having passed our house.  At this point we had to calm the children down and Lydia and Josiah were pretty worked up as well.  We helped get the little ones quieted down and then we came home. As soon as we got out of the gate, Josiah took off running, with his arms flailing, as fast as he could to get to our house. Lydia hugged Fatima, who was delayed in leaving because of the Konkoran, and we all came home.  Jada had joined us at some point during the chaos and she said about walking back to our house, “My knees are knocking!”. Michael was oblivious to everything that had happened because he was out back helping Micah.  By the time I got into the house, Michael was confused.  All he knew was Josiah came rushing into the house exclaiming with tears about our experience. I had Lydia and Jada with me, so they were excitedly sharing their view of the story as well.  We were trying to calm everyone down and explain to them that we have nothing to fear because we have Christ in us and God is bigger than the Konkoran. We changed the words of the song “God is Bigger than the Boogie Man” from Veggie Tales.  Our new version goes like this: God is bigger than the Konkoran, he’s bigger than red costumes and the people who believe. God is bigger than the Konkoran and he’s watching out for you and me.  We sang this many times last night. However, even with our song, the kids that saw the Konkoran were pretty worked up and still worried he would come back. Then enters Zane, hunched over, yipping as though he is the Konkoran.  This brings the other kids fleeing to Michael and my legs which soon turned into all of us filled with laughter as Zane pretends to be the Konkoran. Zane ends up laughing hysterically as well. I wish I could say the rest of our night was uneventful...well I guess it was compared to everything else, but it took a lot to keep the kids calmed down.  We ended up shutting up the entire house, praying with the kids, reading them a few chapters of Stuart Little and putting them to bed.  Oh and in case you wonder how Micah faired through the night, she slept all night with no problems. (I technically wrote this Friday morning...ha!)